Monday, 31 March 2014

Yours truly, Khushboo and Surabhi

In all the haste to put up cool posts (wishful thinkers, aren’t we? :P ) we completely forgot to introduce ourselves.

Surabhi likes to be driven around in style
While most of you would know us - not because we are famous or anything, but because if you are following our blog in its infancy days, chances are that either:

  1. We emotionally blackmailed  you to like/read it or
  2. We bullied you to like it or
  3. You are one of our DEFAULT likes (what that means is fodder for another post so we will leave it at that for now).

But for those who don’t know us: We are Surabhi and Khushboo and some have called us Siamese twins in past. Not because we look anything alike but cause we are too often caught in each other's company.

Actually we are diametrically different people on the outside. Surabhi can squeeze into XS if she tries hard whereas I did not fit into small even when I was a baby.

Surabhi has a very pleasant and happy personality and can have long conversations with pretty much anyone. Me on the other hand, has been addressed as ‘Acid Aunty’ in the morning and if god forbid I am an extra dose of nice to my friends, even they start wondering what’s wrong with me.

One of Surabhi's designated drivers
The cheapest brand in Surabhi's wardrobe maybe Zara, whereas it’s the most expensive one in mine. Even though we are both shopaholics and work in the fashion industry, we spend our money very differently. Whenever I see something and think who will pay so much money for it...Surabhi is there with her credit cards

But that’s all superficial. At the core we are quite similar. For example, we can sell our soul for lifetime of freebies...if we were born with silver spoons: we would have never worked. Just travelled the world! Something we are both intent on doing nevertheless.

We feel scared of any kind of commitments and have seriously low boredom thresholds. We both think vampires are hot and maybe we wouldn’t mind being turned into immortals, especially if we get own personal Damon Salvatores.

This blog is our way to break free from the mundaneness of our life and try a hand at writing.

Hell! Everyone’s allowed to give it a shot, don’t they? J

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Confessions of a Pedophile

Okay before a cyber-security cell hunts me down I want to clarify I am NOT a Pedophile in its true sense. I just happen to like younger men ( not babies, not children, older boys maybe.... But younger men Definitely).

Since we have done away with the mandatory disclaimers (I guess these are in vogue these days considering no movie or even adverts start without them...unfortunately we all know Mukesh).. Any hoo..

Let's get down to listing what are the reasons that I can possibly have to like younger men... Since traditionalists would say that women mature faster, men are like wine - the older they get the better... I say, the one thing that defines men is that they are LAZY! How lazy varies from one to other. But  lazy...And we will all agree they get lazier by the day.

So what does lazy have anything to do with being a pedo...

The younger they are, the harder they try...And try hard they do to please you...
Be it wooing, going out of their way to demonstrate their love through cute gestures, hints, subtle gifts or not so subtle in your face bribing. But you have to give them points for trying and making the effort.

Now I am an opinionated person who wants everyone to hear me out as Gods own words... The sexist world though automatically discounts anything that women say... But suppose the woman is older than you, maybe more financially secure or not, but certainly more experienced and knows what she likes, slightly unorthodox... Wouldn't you just listen to her than fumble through all the wrong turns before you get it right. Coz you are acutely aware that you Don't know it all..

Old age is a @&#$£... And for men it brings - hair loss, beer bellies, and a couple of other ugly ailments. Well what can I say, I like my men with a head full of hair and a tucked in belly - kill me for it!

Anyways what I am saying is.. Younger men are way cuter, more fun and full of Life! They haven't been stricken with 'I have to get married' syndrome and don't immediately picture you bearing their unborn children, they live in the present and want to enjoy the journey... be it getting to the part of unborn children :P

The untold story of my wanderlust

I watched Queen recently…lovely movie and as 'single girl travelling the world with a backpack' is totally my thing, lot of people had messaged to tell me that the movie reminded them of me.

Well i am also a Queen in my own head and except making gol gappas to prove my Indianness, I have pretty much have had all the experiences that Kangana’s character has in the movie…but wanted to jot down a real picture of what happens on a soul searching trip

Lets start with the basics…wen I take off on a trip, my communication with family is limited to messages which say ‘ I have reached safely’ and ‘ok I am taking the return flight now and someone needs to pick me up from the airport’. Any communication beyond this classifies as emergency and worries my mom.

In Europe, the chances are that you would visit way more churches than parties. At some point after the 10th church you can paint your own version of mother and child.

Also wen a homeless guy follows you and u feel scared, don’t fight, give up the bag but like a good gujju negotiate to keep the passport and cab fare. Or like me find a french man walking his dog and get him to drop u to ur hotel.

If you meet anyone Indian on the trip, trust me 80% probability is that they would be gujjus and you would be offered theplas. All they will do is give me a 'homely' feeling which is not a good thing.

If you take a mixed room at a Hostel, there is 99% probability that no one hot would be staying there and even if they are gorgeous, the shared bathroom will make you look at all the hot men in your room in a very different and extremely poor light. Also all the guys who stay in hostels are on a shoestring budget and are not going to buy you drinks.

If you manage to get on a bar to dance, trust me you will get your Italian hottie there itself and he is going to come up to you say ‘beautiful’ and will expect you to make out with him on the basis of that singular uttered word. Depending on his hotness levels we have to decide to be or not to be…but whatever happens, we are not going to remember anything next day thanks to a horrible hangover.

Lastly avoid swiping credit cards whose alerts go to your parents as forget sex shops, any basic shopping alerts also will lead to a through questioning on all ur spends wen u r back.

All these thoughts aside, after Queen i cant wait to take off to Paris and Amsterdam

Breaking up with a Job

Every Monday morning when I am getting pushed around by women of all shapes, sizes and smells in a Mumbai local trying hard to get to work on time I keep thinking how BREAKING UP with my company will not be such a bad idea. 
Not that I don’t have enough experience with it, with enough relations that have gone down the drain, I can handle a break-up well… I think… :P
Here is a list of Relationship breaking up clich├ęs that I think will go exceptionally well with an exit interview
·         It’s not you, it’s me: It’s not the organisation, but it's me and my inherent inability to commit to anything for too long. I think we were just not a right fit.
·         It’s time to move on: It has been a great relationship and I have grown so much as a professional in the last couple of years but I think time has come for me to move on
·         I will still love you: This organisation will always have a special place in my heart
·         You deserve better: There are plenty of eligible professionals in the market and I am sure you will find someone who will understand the organisation better. I know this organisation deserves better than what I can give right now
·         Better now than when we are married:  It’s better to do it now rather than when we are too deep in an event or campaign or something
·         We will always be friends: I know you are angry right now but time heals all wounds and we can always be friends
And here’s my hopeful favourite Its’ all Fate: Everything happens for a reason, maybe that’s why I won the million dollar lottery and don’t need to ever work again
Disclaimer: These ideas are subject to market risks, read your boss’ temperament carefully before investing :P